Please understand

A lot has happened in the past few months. Really a lot. Good stuff. I can’t really explain, but now that it seems to be really good, I fear that I’ve blown it. He still hasn’t seen the blog, but I’ve tried to explain a lot – maybe way too much – in writing. Full out confession. I know that it won’t get me where most expect I want to be at, but that’s not what I really want. I know I’ll be permanently unhappy, at least in a way, when I go on like this, but I can’t give it up. I so want to be his friend, or rather stay his friend, truly, but I also want to stay in love with him.