I’m counting hours again. 166. I know it’s not even certain. I wrote him a text, but I haven’t got an answer yet. But then, he doesn’t usually answer my texts. I really hope he still finds me interesting. I feel a bit stupid insisting on a meeting, but I can’t do without one.
I can’t trust that everything will be fine. I can’t. I might seem desperate, but then I am. The last mail was quite positive, but I can’t relax.
I really hope that it will feel good. That I will feel good. I have to send out applications before that. I need to have something to show for. And I seriously need to find work. If only to impress him. I know this isn’t true. My life needs to go on. Even, worst case, without him. I hope this won’t be the case. But I can’t centre it around him like that. I know.
